Saturday, September 11, 2004

tire

i sit here tired, mentally and physically. i do not want to become fully re-engrained into this way of living, this way of life that was before the desert. many folks will tell me that is hopeless or futile; i get scolded and repremanded quite often for the comments i make in front of others which concern only my own life; they wind up taking it personally, some of them VERY personally, as though they have to retaliate, when i am just making some observation or comment on my life as it is or what i want for myself. they get into attack mode and stay there for hours or days or months sometimes, so i have learned to keep my comments to myself. but at this moment i feel i don't want to let the desert go, and i can feel thier criticisms over my shoulder already: saying that that sentiment is childish: that the wise thing would be to let that other-world go back to where it came from and to fully embrace this one i find myself in again. i really and truely believe, though, that the opposite is true at this moment. i really and truely think that it would be foolish to give up entirely, forget and throw aside, those things i thought and saw and came to know, while i was half a thousand miles from this place... where i saw a mob in white start dancing euphorically, spontaneously, from where they meditated on the white sand...

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