Friday, August 20, 2004

two lives

since graduating, every time i look into my life i see myself broken into two; at any given moment i can see two of me there in the mirror; my daily activities crossing the boundary between two worlds that never meet... this time, my life is revolving around the passing of the Insurance exam, and the preparation for a certain Festival which i may decide to name later; and both of these surround me with their accompanying host of new friends, come to guide me towards two very different lights: two very different selves to find in myself... it has been this way almost constantly since graduation, though i am involved in a different two, almost every new month. a month ago it was modelling and my business... that business which, until further notice, has been put on hold. i suppose i easilly become fully embroilled in things, but it never happens that i have only One to focus on; always two, and always opposite... almost opposite to the extent that they cannot really be told about each other. these other insurers, whom i will be joining, cannot know about the Festival, of the children of light who come from the sparkling spires of the mirror-Coasts to join in the Festivities, in but a week... and those children, gathered as they are, are not to accompany my strife, my toil, in this pursuit of such a strange and gruesome license, in the practice of such strange and gruesome work... i scarcely know how to approach either side of my life sometimes, the back-looking from either side of the mirror, confusing. dementing... this is how it has been; i have no one self these days. my stomach aches and turns for i have scarcely fed it, and have forced it labor days for the quest after this exam, this final success--- and with this pain i join my friends on sands that sparkle and endure a different heat... a different sun; and patchy-i, the one with two stray voices, knows not what to say to one about the other of its own kin... alike on either side but not the same...

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