Monday, August 16, 2004

mystery

i feel quite bewildered and perplexed about my own future, i find it very difficult to make plans as a result. i am inclined to look into moving away from dusty, cranky little Limetown, and coming out here to Champaigne Coast where the sky sparkles and the people know who they are and what they are doing... but i feel a bit confused about that longing; that hunger to become part of this-- to flee the small world towards the more poignant one; to trade the minor obsession for the Legendary level of existance... but i feel hesitant; i wonder, would i become trapped here? who would i become if i were to come here? how long would i stay, and how long would be too long? and all these conflicting voices, coming from far, far distant places, for me to come and explore... i feel a deep, burning drive to travel away from all of this... away from this end of my continent; for this is the only world that i have ever seen, and another one calls... another several holler out my name from across the sea... from numerous oceans away, i feel drawn... yet i worry; drawn is all i ever feel by things these days; madly compelled, and yet here i stand; being pulled in so many different directions, by so many different needs, and instead of acting on one or another, i stand afraid, afraid to move at all... one thing about Limetown is that it is cheap, and i am freer than i have ever lived before.... if i still lived in foxtown, where my parents would still rule my world, i would not have anything that i have now, and i would not be able to go the places i am going... so, while it may be hard to understand, i am, in Limetown, a step up from where i am before... but it has been a year--- a YEAR in Limetown now i've lingered... lingered wondering, and these days i fear i'm prone to any second, fly in madness, towards some unplanned, indistinct and insane destination; anywhere, anything, whatever the world would hand me or would hand me to the world...

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