Sunday, August 15, 2004

homeless

there are so many homeless here in this town. i have already encountered 2 people this morning who asked me for change, and i've only been awake about an hour. a lady just came up to me, while i was sitting here at this table and asked for change. i never give anymore. i used to once, when i was new to the city; when i first came from my little country town and encountered real homeless people for the first time in my life, i wanted to give them change. so i gave them change at every chance i got.. but then there were more of them... and then, it became that no matter how many people i gave help to, there would be someone else, who looked even worse off than the other ones, around the corner and i realized i just didn't have enough change for them all... so now i never give change to anyone; i just tell them all that i don't have any money on me... and there was a time when i would put away my cell phone really fast when i saw a homeless person coming, so that i would be able to fib a little better, so i wouldn't LOOK like i'd be the type of person that has money on me-- but now i don't even do that. it's like we're both in a loop now: they don't see or notice or care that they approached me in this same place two days ago, and asked me for change for the 480 bus that never comes, and i didn't have money for them then and i don't have money for them now-- and *I* don't see or notice or care that they can clearly see my laptop, my glasses, my cellphone, and that i'm in a starbucks, and that i expect them to accept that i somehow have no money to give away. so we're all stuck in a loop out here: the homeless people, and the rest of us residents with homes: repeating meaningless words to each other, the same ones every day, like the most pathetic shadow of the business world; of ads and sales. it's like the homeless have their sales pitch, and they go around repeating it endlessly to potential customers: and the customer group is so used to the ads by now, and sick of being advertized to at every turn, that they have in turn develloped a way how not to be affected. And then the homeless have to become more advanced in their sales tactics, and we have to grow yet more insensitive and resilient, and it just goes on and on.

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